The ‘Empire’ star has admitted she started having “thoughts about ending it” at the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic this year and said she reached such a “dark place” with her mental health that she even considered using her gun — which is locked away in a safe — to take her own life.
Speaking on an episode of ‘Peace of Mind with Taraji’ – where she was joined by Dr LaShonda Green – she said:
“So during this pandemic, it’s been hard on all of us and I had a moment. I had a dark moment. I was in a dark place. For a couple of days, I couldn’t get out of bed, I didn’t care. That’s not me. Then, I started having thoughts about ending it.
“It happened two nights in a row and I purchased a gun not too long ago, it’s in a safe, and I started like, ‘I could go in there right now and end it all because I want it to be over.’ ”
Taraji also said she “didn’t care” about leaving behind her 26-year-old son Marcell, because she thought he would “get over” her death.
“I thought about my son, he’s grown, he’ll get over it. I didn’t care. I felt myself withdrawing. People were calling me, I wasn’t responding, I didn’t care.”
The 50-year-old actress eventually spoke to her friends about how she was feeling and said being open about her mental health gave her a sense of relief.
“I just blurted it out, ‘I thought about killing myself.’
“I felt like, if I don’t say it, it becomes a plan. What scared me is I did it two nights in a row. First, it was like, ‘I don’t wanna be here.’ Then I started thinking about going to get the gun and that’s why when I woke up the next morning, I blurted it out.”
During their discussion, Taraji’s guest LaShonda told her it was “very normal” to be feeling lonely amid the pandemic.
“[It’s] very normal to feel lonely, to not want to do it anymore. There are so many things that we think are wrong, that are unhealthy, that are absolutely normal. You don’t have to believe every thought you have.”